One Step Closer
by Vestal Virgin
Summary: Three months after Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant, a training accident leaves Chakotay critically injured. From the moment he opens his eyes, Kathryn Janeway is by his side to help him heal. Perhaps their chance has finally come to recover more than just his strength.
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor left the room, and Chakotay turned his head and stared out the Starfleet Medical window. Eight days of lying in the hospital bed had left him well acquainted with the unchanging scenery of the building across the way. At least in a couple of hours, he could stare at the walls of his apartment.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn called from behind him. When he looked back to her and tried to smile, she said, "It looks like you get to go home."

"Yes, finally."

"You don't seem too happy about it."

He sat up and slid his legs over the side of the bed, positioning them more comfortably with his hands. "I am. I guess I thought I'd be stronger by now."

"A shattered pelvis isn't something you bounce back from quickly, no matter how skilled the Doctor is."

"I know. Believe me, I know."

She sat down beside him and laid a hand on his arm. "I have a request."

"I'll do what I can."

"I want you to come home with me."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Why?"

"There'll be times when you still need help. You need someone with you."

"Kathryn, I will not be coddled. I'm capable of getting around enough to take care of myself." He watched her expression change and noted that she looked hurt.

"I know you can, Chakotay, and I'll expect you to keep working as hard as you have been to get well." She hesitated before saying, "But, you know that you can't do everything yet."

"I certainly can't ask you to keep taking care of me. I'm sure that Doc can arrange for someone." She looked away, her grip tightening on his arm. He realized that he had judged correctly, and he could see that this was important to her. He laid his hand over hers and spoke softly. "What is it? Why are you really asking me to go home with you?"

She took a deep breath. "Because, I don't like the thought of not being there if you need me. I just want to help, to do something." She still didn't look at him when she admitted, "I was so shocked when I got the call that you had been injured. This wasn't supposed to happen, not here. We brought the ship home with the Admiral's help to keep our crew safe, and three months later you nearly died."

Chakotay thought back to that day a week before. The beginning tactics instructor had asked him to help supervise a cadet training excursion. The trip was only for two days in the hills around San Francisco, for the cadets to practice the skills that they had been learning for months in the holodeck. Chakotay had agreed to go along as an extra pair of eyes on the young students.

No one had seen the faulty cam that Cadet Bran had driven into the hillside before beginning her rappel down. Seconds later, Chakotay had heard the sharp snap of the metal, and the whine of the rope as it fed unimpeded through the carabiner. He'd lunged for the cliff's edge and snatched at the rope, the young woman's jolting halt tearing a tendon in his shoulder. Fighting against the pain, he'd used every ounce of his strength to hold on as he talked the cadet down from her fright, until she regained her bearings enough to seat a new anchor and take her own weight. He'd lain there, gasping for breath and staring at his bloody hands, for only a moment. That extra moment had been all the time needed for the edge of the cliff to crumble underneath his 200-pound frame.

Chakotay had woken up in excruciating pain at Starfleet Medical, with _Voyager's_ Doctor and two nurses a blur of activity around him, discussing his shattered pelvis, concussion, torn shoulder, broken hand, and other things he hadn't comprehended. He hadn't woken again until the next afternoon, after surgery had repaired his pelvis, and he had found that his legs would hardly move.

Kathryn had been leaning over him when he'd opened his eyes, and she hadn't left his side since then. He tried not to read too much into that fact, but he was grateful that she had been there. She seemed to need to be with him, and he needed her.

Squeezing her hand, he sighed, "All right. I'll go home with you."

She turned to him and sought his face, blinking against a telltale shimmer in her eyes. "We'll have you back in the boxing ring in no time. I promise not to coddle, if you promise to tell me when you need help."

He smiled. "I'll try."

"Close enough."

Gripping the cane beside the bed, he slowly stood up and steadied himself before shuffling to the window. His legs felt leaden, his muscles slow to respond to his demands. He supposed he should be glad that he could walk at all, but the weakness was damned frustrating.

He leaned one shoulder against the window and searched the skyline in the direction of Starfleet Academy. Somewhere on the grounds, Cadet Bran was taking notes in class, or maybe sitting in the messhall with friends, or hiding a blush from Cadet Nehur, the young man who had caught her attention in the xenobiology lab.

Bran had come to visit three days before, nervous and on the verge of tears. She had apologized profusely for losing her footing until Chakotay kindly ordered her not to say, "I'm sorry," again. He had assured her that he was healing quickly, and that _Voyager's_ crew had provided everything he needed and more. He would go through the whole experience again to keep her from harm.

Her brief visit had helped him, too, to see that she was okay. She had learned a hard lesson about being an officer. Accidents happen in the blink of an eye, no matter how much training and preparation go into a mission beforehand. Chakotay understood all too well why Kathryn had been shaken by his injuries.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. "Come in," he called.

Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry entered the room. Tom announced, "I hear they're springing you out of here."

"Yes," Chakotay answered, "I'll get to sleep in a real bed tonight."

"Your own bed will a lot more comfortable," B'Elanna commented as she slapped her palm on the medical mattress.

"No, Kathryn's." The three newcomers looked at him in shock, and Kathryn laughed. "Sorry," he chuckled. "I meant that I'm going to stay in Kathryn's spare bedroom for a while."

"That's good," Tom remarked. "You're doing real well, but you shouldn't push too hard. The admiral will keep you in line."

Chakotay slowly made his way back to the bed. "You think so, do you?"

Harry glanced at Kathryn. "Just give him the glare."

"He's immune to it by now. I do have a phaser, though."

Chakotay shook his head and lowered himself to the bed, rubbing his sore thighs. "I don't know why I expect any sympathy from you lot."

B'Elanna snorted and sat down beside him. "You'd be insulted if we gave you sympathy."

He grinned at his friend. "You might be right, but change is good once in a while."

She nodded toward his legs. "I'd say you've had enough change."

"True."

Kathryn took his cane from him and leaned it against the wall. "Harry, I hear that you and Libby have been spending time together."

Harry's eyes widened and then he glared at Tom. "Hey," Tom said as he raised his hands, "don't look at me."

Kathryn smirked. "A good admiral always has multiple sources for information. Are you two back together?"

"Maybe," Harry answered with a shrug. "We've only been to a couple of dinners, but we're seeing each other again tonight."

Kathryn held a lot of regrets over the lives that had been impacted by the crew's seven-year disappearance. She felt a little better knowing that Harry might have a second chance with his former fiancé. "Well, if it's what you want, I hope things work out for you."

"Thanks, Admiral."

B'Elanna patted Chakotay's knee and stood up. "We have to go pick up Miral."

"Thank you for stopping by," Chakotay said. "Bring the baby over soon so I can see her."

"Take it easy on the Admiral, will you? This is not your chance at payback for years of taking orders from her." B'Elanna jumped back from his swat.

Kathryn chuckled. "I'll call you if he gets out of hand."

The three friends left, and Chakotay lay back on the bed, closing his eyes. He tired easily, and the few minutes of standing had made his hips ache. He felt Kathryn tuck the sheet around his legs and then sit beside him.

"Do you need another analgesic?"

"No, not yet." He opened his eyes again and saw the concern on her face. She'd worn that look for most of the last week, and he hated being the cause of it. "So, how did you know that Harry is seeing Libby again?"

She smiled. "Tom's father told me when I spoke with him this morning."

"I'm not sure who the bigger gossip is: Tom or Owen."

"Owen, definitely Owen."

He laughed and reached for her hand. The gesture had become automatic over the past days. Both of them did it, sometimes without realizing they were reaching. They hadn't mentioned it or explored why they felt the need to touch. The connection was simply there, craved by both of them, and anyone who entered the room almost always found the two of them holding hands. Not even the Doctor, with his usually blunt manner, had commented on it.

With her hand firmly enclosed in his, and a small smile on his face, Chakotay slept.


	2. Chapter 2

Chakotay and Kathryn materialized on the walkway leading to her house. He stood still for a moment, making sure he was balanced, and then followed her through the door. Hints of Kathryn's personality could be seen throughout the small home. Tall windows draped with sheer white curtains would let in plenty of sunlight during the day, and provided a beautiful view of the night sky above the city as he looked through them now. Holo-images sat next to books of warp theory and Irish poetry, and the stack of PADDs on her desk lay beside a vase of white roses. Her sleek, minimalist furniture was softened by throw pillows and handmade blankets, with an antique candle chandelier hanging above. The home was comfortable, and very Kathryn.

Chakotay limped to the sofa and sat down while she carried the bags to their respective bedrooms. When she returned, she asked, "Are you hungry? You would be eating dinner at Medical right about now."

"Not unless you're ready to eat. I would like to settle in a bit first."

"That's fine." Her hand brushed across his shoulder as she stepped around him to sit down. He could tell she was gathering her thoughts, so he waited quietly, watching her eyes cut to him and back to her hands. "Chakotay, when I spoke to Owen this morning, it wasn't just to check in. I've taken a month of leave."

Her statement surprised him, and he stared at her. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask, and it has already been done." She clasped his hand and leaned back against the cushion. "I know that we hadn't talked about it, but even if you had chosen to go home, I would have been there every day."

"You're putting everything on hold because of my problem."

She shook her head. "No, not your problem. For years, you supported me. You gave me everything I demanded and more. I can never repay you, but being here for you now is a start. I want to do this."

"Kathryn, you don't owe me anything. I did my duty as your first officer, but mostly as your friend."

"Then please, accept what I'm doing as your friend." Her voice dropped lower. "I care about you."

He held her gaze, feeling her thumb circle over his knuckle. The truth of her words shone from her blue eyes, and he pulled her to his side, draping his arm around her shoulders. "I care about you, too, and that's why I hate being a burden. As much as I want to, though, I can't do everything on my own right now." He kissed the top of her head. "You'll be ready to kill me in a week."

She chuckled and snuggled into his embrace. "Then you'll have to make sure you can run in a week."

They sat in the quiet for a while, enjoying the starlight and their closeness, until Chakotay began to shift his legs. She looked up at him and saw his grimace. "What's wrong?"

"I've had my legs stretched out in bed for days. I didn't realize the pressure that sitting like this would put on my hips." She rose up, and he lifted his arm from her shoulders to rub his thighs.

"Do you want a foot stool, or do you want to lie down?"

The pain had steadily worsened, and he slid to the front of the cushion, reaching for his cane. "I think I need to lie down." As he stood up, his left leg gave out, and he would have fallen had Kathryn not grabbed him, pushing her weight against him to hold on until he balanced again.

"Let's get you to bed, and then I'll get the hypospray the Doctor prescribed."

He nodded, not trusting his voice in his struggle to keep from groaning his discomfort. She tucked her shoulder under his arm and allowed him to set the pace as they inched down the hallway to his room. Once there, he fell onto the bed a lay back with a hand over his eyes. She slipped his shoes off and lifted his legs onto the bed, then left to get the hypospray. She replicated tea for him and returned to the bedroom.

Chakotay kept his eyes closed as he tilted his head for the medication. After administering it, she sat down and held his hand, waiting for the pain to fade from his face. She'd seen that expression multiple times a day since his accident, and each time it made her heart ache along with him.

As a scientist, she understood the severity of his injuries and why there was no quick fix, but watching him hurt made her feel helpless. The Doctor had not exaggerated when he'd used the word "shattered." A narrow outcropping in the cliff had stopped Chakotay's fall, but cracked his pelvis in seventeen places and nearly obliterated his left hip joint, tearing ligaments and muscle tissue in the process.

He had been beamed out almost immediately, and when the attending physician had discovered the identity of her patient, she had ordered that _Voyager's _EMH be activated. The Doctor had then instructed an aide to contact Kathryn.

It had taken over six hours of surgery and regeneration to treat all of Chakotay's injuries. Several members of the crew had waited at Starfleet Medical with Kathryn, not daring to point out her constant pacing or refusal of food. By the time the Doctor had finally emerged from the surgical bay, she'd been ready to collapse herself.

"Hey," Chakotay's low voice startled her. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"

"Nothing. Just waiting to be sure you're okay."

He noticed her dodge, but didn't force the issue. "I'm better, thank you." Pushing himself up against the headboard, he picked up his tea and sipped it. "I'm fine in here if you have things to do. I can read or something."

"How about a light dinner in bed? A salad, maybe?"

"That sounds good." He smiled. "Will you eat in bed with me?"

"Sure." She crossed to his bag in the corner chair and pulled out his gray pajamas, laying them beside him. "You can get comfortable while I get the food."

After she left, Chakotay sat on the end of the bed to change, and then shuffled into the bathroom. He leaned against the sink counter to wash up, and was back in bed with the sheet over his legs before Kathryn returned. He watched the blinking lights of the distant shuttle port through the window, and wished that he was out among the activity.

He huffed at that thought. Since returning to earth, he'd spent the majority of his time at the Academy or in his apartment. Aside from the rare dinner with friends or lunch with Kathryn, he'd hardly been social. If he was missing out on anything right now, it was only the same stuff that he'd willingly ignored for months. He decided that if he got better, _when_ he got better, he'd make more of an effort to get out and see the city.

Kathryn entered carrying a tray, and he grinned at the sight of her loose, blue pajamas and white socks. "I decided to get comfortable, too," she said as lowered the tray onto the bedside table.

"I'm glad you did." He took his bowl of salad, balancing it while she climbed into bed beside him. She leaned against the headboard, then pulled the sheet back over both of them and settled with her shoulder touching his. After spreading napkins over his lap and then her own, she reached for her bowl.

He couldn't help showing his amusement, and she grinned back at him. "Comfy?" he asked.

"Quite. You?"

"Very."

"Good."

While they ate, they slipped into the easy chatter they'd shared for years. She told him about her last Sunday brunch at her mother's house, and he described the ancient nautical map he'd discovered in an archaeological site catalog a couple of weeks before. When he dripped salad dressing down his chin, she laughed. He laughed harder when she dropped a bite of tomato down her shirt and had to fish it out. Before either of them realized it, the food was long gone, and the chronometer clicked over to 0100 hours.

Chakotay yawned and slid lower in the bed. "I'm sorry, I'm about to fall asleep on you."

"I've kept you up too late. You need your rest."

Their hands were linked between them, and he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. "This was nice, Kathryn. Thank you for asking me to stay."

She climbed out of bed and went around to his side, tugging the covers over him. "I'm right next door, so call if you need me."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Chakotay."

In her bedroom, Kathryn left the lights off and stood at the window watching the moonlight. The hollow feeling in her chest had been a constant companion since the moment she'd learned of Chakotay's accident. She had known for years that she loved him, but had become so proficient at hiding her emotions that she'd buried that one deeply, convincing herself that it was close friendship. When the Medical aide had told her that Chakotay was in critical condition, Kathryn had felt the grip of fear that she could lose him, and that love broke the surface of her barriers once again.

She had determined then and there that if he survived, she would no longer hide her emotions from him. Her first priority was to help him heal, and then to find out if they could have a chance together. Bringing him home with her had been a step toward filling that hollow space in her heart.

She turned from the window and crawled into bed, forcing herself to relax and take deep, even breaths. He had survived, and the Doctor had assured them that Chakotay would make a full recovery. Laying her hand above her head on the wall that connected to his room, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn sat in the corner of Starfleet Medical's Physical Therapy room with her hands clenched between her knees, watching the sweat drip down Chakotay's face. The grueling session was nearing an end, and he looked like he could drop any second. She'd found it increasingly difficult to watch, and her heart pounded with each grimace he made.

Chakotay groaned loudly as he pressed against the weight a final time and then fell back onto the mat, his chest heaving and his legs trembling. Before the accident, he could have kicked the small weight through the far wall. His therapist, Lieutenant Gary, handed Chakotay a towel and a bottle of water, and left him on the mat to cool down.

Kathryn stood up as Gary approached. "Admiral Janeway," he acknowledged with a nod.

"Lieutenant. Is he all right?" she asked, glancing at Chakotay.

"He did well today. He's getting stronger and able to tolerate more weight."

"I'll take your word for it."

"I know it looks brutal. Captain Chakotay's rebuilt bones and joints are as strong as ever. It's the regenerated muscle and ligaments that we have to train. He may be sorer today, but the Doctor should have given you something to help with that."

"Yes, he did."

"Chakotay told me that he's staying with you for a while. Will you be able to come to his session tomorrow?"

"I've taken some leave." She watched Chakotay struggling to sit up, and fought the urge to run to him and help. "I intend to do whatever is necessary to see him well again."

Gary didn't miss the softening of her voice and face when she spoke of Chakotay, and had made the same observations when Chakotay talked about her. The Doctor had described the former command team as friends, but Gary suspected they both wanted more than that. Knowing what he did of their long ordeal, he determined to get Chakotay well soon so that the two "friends" could concentrate on each other for a change.

He told Kathryn, "Tomorrow will be an easy session. I'm going to show him some light exercises to do at home on the days when he isn't here. There are some things you can help with."

"I'll be here."

"I'm going to help him into the shower and then he'll be ready to go home. He will need to rest a lot today. I really pushed his limits."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." She smiled and waved toward Chakotay, who was sitting up watching them from the mat. "One of these days, maybe he'll tell you how many times I've pushed him past his limits." Gary laughed and and excused himself to return to his patient.

Fifteen minutes later, Chakotay limped into the therapy room, clean and redressed, leaning heavily on his cane. Kathryn jumped up from her chair and quickly crossed to him, sliding her shoulder under his, and her arm around his waist.

"Hi," she said. "How are you?"

"Ready to go home," he answered, his voice deep and rough as he leaned on her for support.

The PT office was equipped with a transporter, so he didn't have to walk far before they were beamed to her house. His silence worried her, but she could tell he was hurting and exhausted. By the time they reached his bedroom, she was supporting a significant amount of his weight and was relieved when she could lower him to the bed.

"Are you ready for your analgesic, Chakotay?"

"Please, and some water if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind." She administered the hypospray that lay on his bedside table, and then went to the kitchen to get his water. When she returned, she saw that he had kicked off his shoes and removed his shirt before falling asleep propped awkwardly against the headboard. She hated to disturb him, but he would wake up in more pain if she left him in that position.

She put the water on the table, sat down beside him, and rubbed his shoulder. When he didn't stir, she gently shook him and called his name. It took three times before his eyes finally opened, and she swallowed against the lump in her throat at his dejected look. Caressing his cheek, she whispered, "I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable."

His head tilted into her touch, and he raised his hand to brush his thumb along her chin. "I'm okay."

She smoothed the hair from his forehead. "Your neck is going to hurt if you sleep like that." He nodded took a sip of water, then slid down in the bed until his head lay on the pillow. "Do you want your pajamas, or just take off your pants?"

"Take off the pants." He paused and then added, "After you leave."

She smiled and clasped his hand. "I'll help if you need me to. I never pegged you as the shy type."

"No, not really." His eyes clouded over and his brow creased. "They look different."

"Your legs?"

"Yes, my upper thighs and around my hips. Lieutenant Gary says that with therapy, the new muscles will look like the old ones. Right now, they're different."

She laid her hand on his bare chest over his heart, feeling his strength despite his current weakness. "It doesn't matter how you look, Chakotay. You're the same strong, proud, and gentle man that you've always been."

He held her hand to his skin, and she couldn't mistake the love that shone unguarded from his dark eyes. Leaning over, she pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead, then stood up. "Get some rest. When you wake up, we'll eat lunch."

As she stepped away from the bed, his quiet voice stopped her. "Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? This week can't have been easy for you."

"You're alive, Chakotay, so it has been a wonderful week."

She met his gaze, and knew that he understood her feelings when his cheek dimpled in a half-smile. Closing the door behind her, she paused in the hallway and touched her fingertips to her lips. The chance she had hoped for was possible, and that hollow feeling inside of her lightened for the first time in nine days.

In the kitchen, Kathryn poured a cup of coffee. The mid-morning sun streamed through the patio door onto the small dining table, and she sat down. She hadn't seen much of the sun recently, and the warmth felt good. With her hands wrapped around her cup, she watched a butterfly exploring the rose bushes, and a tiny wren hopping along the ground searching for insects. She made a mental note to find a patio chair that would be comfortable for Chakotay, knowing that he enjoyed being outside.

Casting her gaze around the kitchen and den, she searched for other changes she might make so he could move around more easily with his cane. The wing chairs could be moved closer to the wall to create more space around the couch, and the low table could be stored away. Eying the bookcase, she wondered if it was too close to the door, and maybe the pantry could be reorganized so he wouldn't have to bend down. _Hell, I'll rebuild the house if I have to, _she thought.

With a jolt, she reminded herself that Chakotay's condition was not permanent, and forced her eyes back to the yard. The Doctor estimated that Chakotay would be back to normal within two months, although Chakotay insisted that he would do it in a month. She longed to see him well and whole again for his sake, but as for herself, she would take him however he was, as long as they were together.

The door chime startled her, and she hurried to answer it, hoping that it hadn't woken Chakotay. When the panel slid open, she smiled. "Mother, I didn't know you were coming today." Kathryn took the container from Gretchen and stepped back to let the older woman inside. "What is this?"

"I brought some food for you and Chakotay. I didn't have anything to do yesterday."

"Mom, you didn't have to bring this."

"I know how you like my vegetable soup."

"Oh, I do. I'm sure Chakotay will love it, too." Kathryn set the box down on the kitchen counter and peeked inside. "This is not just soup."

Gretchen smiled. "Also potato casserole, black bean salad, yeast rolls, and pecan pie."

"Mom," Kathryn laughed, "you went a little overboard, didn't you? Not that I'm complaining."

Gretchen poured a cup of coffee and sat down. "I wanted to help, but I didn't know what else to do, so I cooked."

Kathryn squeezed her mother's shoulder and joined her at the table. With a sigh, she admitted, "I know how you feel. I'm not sure how to help him, either."

"You're doing just fine by being with him."

"I was sitting here looking around, planning how to redesign the house to make things easier for him." Shaking her head, she said, "I almost couldn't watch his therapy this morning. It's hard to remember that he's going to get better."

"He will, honey. I suspect that you finally admitting you love him will motivate him more than anything." Kathryn glanced down at the table as Gretchen continued, "Anybody who saw you two together the last week knows you love each other. Don't wait until he's well again. Tell him now, and everything else will work itself out."

Kathryn looked past her mother to the white butterfly that had landed on a peace rose, its wings spread open in the sunlight. "It's time," she whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Almost two hours later, Chakotay wandered into the kitchen and smiled when he spotted the older Janeway. "Gretchen, this is nice surprise. How are you?"

"I'm well, Chakotay. It's good to see you up."

"Can I get you something?" Kathryn asked him.

"I'll get it. Is there more coffee, or have you two exhausted the Federation's supply?"

Gretchen and Kathryn both pointed to the coffee maker and said, "There's a fresh pot made."

Kathryn noticed that he favored his left leg more as he walked to the counter, and his knuckles were white where he gripped the cane. "Why don't we move into the den? You'll be more comfortable in there."

"I'm not sure anywhere is comfortable, but the couch will be more tolerable. That therapist should be charged with assaulting a senior officer."

Kathryn winced. "I know, I watched the whole thing. Tomorrow should be easier."

"Right, he's going to teach you how to torture me."

She raised her cup and grinned before taking a sip. He laughed, and then carefully made his way into the den with his drink. When he sat down with his back straight against the cushion, Kathryn gathered a couple of small pillows and went to his side. "Slide down a little and let me help."

He raised his brow but did as she asked, and was soon reclined with his legs on a foot stool and one pillow tucked tightly at his low back, the other supporting the slope of his spine. He realized the position was rather comfortable, and gave her grateful smile. "This is good. Thank you."

She sat beside him and threaded her fingers through his. "When I broke my back, it took a couple of weeks for me to fully heal. I learned a few tricks."

Gretchen commented to Chakotay, "We learned then that sitting straight up requires a surprising amount of muscle strength. Yours are still healing, so extra support to relieve that tension will help."

Turning to Kathryn, he said, "I remember it being pretty painful for you after the Doctor removed your spinal clamps."

"At least the biobed could be adjusted to what I needed. I didn't sit straight up for a while, though. Maybe we should have a biobed installed for you."

"No!" he blurted, and then chuckled at his short answer. "I've had enough of those to last for quite a while. I'm fine with pillows."

She waved toward the kitchen. "Mom brought food over. I imagine you're starving after that workout this morning."

"I am. Have you eaten?"

"No, I waited for you."

Gretchen stood up and stepped around the couch. "I'll bring your plates in here."

"I can help, Mom."

"I know where everything is. You keep an eye on him," she winked at Chakotay.

"Will you eat with us, Gretchen?" he asked.

"Why do you think I brought so much?"

When her mother disappeared into the kitchen, Kathryn studied Chakotay's face. The tight lines of pain still showed around his eyes, but he seemed better than he had that morning. He tolerated her scrutiny for several seconds, then said, "Kathryn, I don't think she meant to actually keep an eye on me."

A faint flush colored her cheeks. "I was trying to see how you feel."

He smoothed her hair off her cheek, and let his hand rest under her ear. "You don't have to guess. You can ask me."

The connection between them made her breath catch, and the heat of his palm on her neck reached her toes. She licked her lips, and they both jumped at a noise from the kitchen. Pulling her to him, he kissed her temple and then let her go. When Gretchen carried in the tray a few minutes later, they were discussing patio furniture.

During lunch, Chakotay listened to the women talk, but his thoughts kept wandering to Kathryn. The small moments they had shared recently began to add up. He felt certain that she was showing him more than friendship, and he wanted more. His dependence on her bothered him, but perhaps his accident had been the catalyst needed to make them both drop their barriers. He might not be able to sweep her up in his arms yet, but he could tell her how he felt.

After he had eaten most of his food, his fatigue caught up to him again. He balanced his plate on his lap and leaned his head back against the cushion.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked.

"I guess I'm still tired."

She slid his plate from his hands and set it on the table. "Gary said you should rest a lot today. Do you need the hypospray?"

"No, I think I will go back to bed, though. You stay with your mother. I'll be fine." He picked up his cane and gingerly rose to his feet. "Gretchen, lunch was delicious. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll look forward to you being well enough to come for dinner one evening."

"I would like that." He glanced down at Kathryn. "May I borrow a book off the shelf in your room?"

"Help yourself. I'm reading the one on my nightstand, but the rest are fair game."

Gretchen left soon after he retired to bed. Kathryn stored the left over food and put away the dishes, then crept down the hallway to check on Chakotay. His bedside lamp was on, and he was propped on the pillows reading.

When he saw her in the doorway, he laid down his book. "Did your mother leave?"

"She did. There's enough food for dinner, and a whole pecan pie left."

"That was sweet of her to bring it."

As Kathryn sat on the bed, he reached for her hand and circled his thumb over her fingers. They both silently watched for a moment, his hand large but gentle, and hers delicate but strong. When he looked up, the longing in her eyes made his stomach flutter.

He lifted the sheet, and she toed off her shoes before climbing into bed with him. She lay on her side with her head on his chest, but he could feel her shifting to keep away from his hips. He clasped her top leg and gently pulled it over his thigh.

"It's all right, you won't hurt me."

Snuggling into him, Kathryn wrapped her arm over his waist and muttered, "I was so afraid you wouldn't make it."

His fingertips slid over her jaw as he lifted her face to look at him. "I'll do everything I can to get stronger for you." He bent his head and softly kissed her, then lay back on the pillow. Draping one arm around her shoulders, he curled his other fingers around hers and held her hand against his chest beside her face. The sound of his steady heartbeat under her ear lulled her into a light sleep.

Kathryn awoke to the feel of Chakotay nudging her leg as he shifted out from under her. She scooted back and then noticed his pained expression. Sitting up, she asked, "What's wrong?"

He rubbed his thigh and hip. "Nerve pain. My leg is stinging." He bent his knee toward his chest and groaned.

She pushed against his hip. "Roll on your side." When he turned over facing away from her, she kneaded the muscles of his thigh and buttock, firmly pressing with her fingertips and stroking with her thumbs. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I shouldn't have fallen asleep on you like that."

"It's the injury, nothing more. It's not your fault."

"Is this helping?"

"Yes, thank you."

She continued to massage over his hip and buttock, a small part of her mind thinking that she'd never touched him there, and she was enjoying it. Her concern for him outweighed the intimacy, though. When Chakotay looked over his shoulder, he saw the worry in her eyes. As her massage began to ease the ache, he slowly rolled to his back, and she stilled her hands on his thigh.

"It's better now," he sighed.

Kathryn backed up and climbed off the bed. "I'll leave you to rest."

"Please," he said, sitting up and sliding his feet to the floor, "don't go yet." He held his hand out, and when she went to his side, he guided her between his legs. Holding her gently at the waist, he said, "Kathryn, the only thing you could do to hurt me is to pull away from me. I haven't told you how much it meant to me to find you there when I woke up from surgery. If I could take you to dinner, or whisk you away somewhere romantic, I would, and I will as soon as I'm able. Right now, I need you to know how much I love you."

She trailed her fingers over his brow and bent closer to him. "I don't need fancy dinners or trips. I only need you as I have always needed you. I love you, too, Chakotay." Her lips pressed to his, and her arms wound around his neck. As the kiss deepened, she dropped to her knees and opened for him, teasing his tongue with her own.

Chakotay slipped his fingers under her hair, cradling her head, as he poured his passion for her into their kiss. With a slow deliberation, he eased away, gently brushing his lips over hers small, sensual pecks until he raised his head. His heart pounded in his chest, and the flush of desire warmed his body. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest, laying his cheek on her soft auburn hair. "I will get better, I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

"Enough," Chakotay growled from where he lay on the physical therapy mat. When Kathryn let up the pressure on his leg, he lifted his head. "How much trouble will I be in if I say you're too heavy for me?"

Kathryn heard Lieutenant Gary's chuckle behind her as she sat back on her heels. "I know better. You're the same man who once carried me, unconscious, away from a shuttle crash."

"Well, if you get knocked out anytime soon, I'll have to drag you by the hair."

She laughed and picked up his other foot, bracing her palms against the bottom. "One more set, and then you're finished."

He took a deep breath and pushed against her hands, barely shifting her body weight. He'd been attempting a light banter, but the longer he kept it up, the more irritated he felt. A bleak mood had been encroaching since he had woken up that morning. Part of it, he knew, was pride and that bothered him. The newfound closeness with Kathryn should have left him feeling elated, but instead he felt embarrassed for her to know how weak he truly was. She had been eager to help at the PT session, though, and kept up a gentle smile of encouragement as she worked through the exercises with him.

He tried both to decipher and hide his emotions, but the mood was wearing him down. Relieved when Gary instructed them stop, Chakotay closed his eyes and attempted to calm his nerves with deep breathing.

Gary said, "That's enough for this session. I'd like for you to do these exercises at home tomorrow, once in the morning and again in the evening. I'll see you back here the next day for more weight training."

Chakotay opened his eyes and sat up. When Gary reached down to help him stand, Chakotay waved off the lieutenant and mumbled, "I can do it." He struggled to his feet and, without glancing at either Kathryn or Gary, limped toward the shower room.

Kathryn watched him go and then turned to Gary with an urge to defend Chakotay. Gary beat her to it.

"Don't worry, Admiral, that's normal. Every patient has good days and bad days."

"He's been so even tempered until now, but I know this is hard on him. I'd have snapped days ago."

The therapist smiled. "He'll work it out. Please contact me if you need anything before the next session."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

He disappeared into an office, and Kathryn waited outside of the shower room. When Chakotay came out, she reached over to put a supportive arm around his waist, but he caught her hand instead and said, "Let's go home."

Within a couple of minutes, they entered her house. As Chakotay started down the hallway, she asked, "Would you like something to drink?"

He paused but didn't look back at her. "Not right now. I'll be out in a bit."

When he closed the door to his room, the first time he had done so since his release from Medical, she sighed and went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Once again, she found herself sitting at the table, hands wrapped around a mug, wondering what she could do to help him more. She was pretty sure that she understood Chakotay's frustration. For ten days, he had been surrounded by doctors, nurses, and friends all concentrated on him and the fact that he wasn't his normal self.

As she looked out to the patio, she realized that she might not be keeping up her end of the bargain not to coddle him. Several times a day, she asked how he was feeling, did he need his medicine, was he hungry or thirsty, or comfortable enough. She thought back to the times when she'd been injured on _Voyager_, and how the solicitations from the Doctor and the crew would quickly get old. Now, she was doing the same thing to Chakotay.

Kathryn opened the patio door and stepped out into the sunlight. A light breeze created dancing shadows of the bushes across the lawn, and two squirrels chattered to each other in the treetops. She almost laughed when she thought that perhaps she sounded like those little animals to Chakotay, a repetition of the same questions all day, every day. They had shared conversations, too, but she always circled back to asking what she could do, anticipating his needs, instead of waiting for him to do what he could and to ask for help with the rest. No wonder the poor man'd had enough.

She heard a noise behind her and turned to see Chakotay carefully stepping out on the patio. When he reached her side, he leaned his palms on the rail and looked over the yard. He bowed his head and said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I've been a bit on edge today."

She laid a hand on his back. "You don't need to apologize, Chakotay. I understand. Truthfully, as I've been standing out here, I've realized that I'm partly to blame."

He raised his head and looked at her. "How do you figure that? You've been nothing but helpful."

"A little too helpful, I think. I brought you here so I could be available at all times if you needed me. Instead, I've taken over in my typical fashion, doing things before you ask." When he opened his mouth, then hesitated, she said, "I promised to let you be independent, and I haven't done that."

"Well, meeting me at the bathroom door this morning to see if I needed help dressing was unexpected."

She chuckled and leaned her head on his arm. "I'm sorry, that was over the top, wasn't it? I won't do it again."

"I have needed you to do more than I anticipated. I'm not as well as I think I should be, and that's frustrating when I'm used to being alone and doing everything for myself."

"Neither of us has to be alone anymore." She looked up at him. "But, if you want some time to yourself, tell me. I really do understand."

"I know you do." He turned and leaned back against the rail, then pulled her in front of him and clasped her hips. "I'll be okay. At the moment, I would rather hold you."

She slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head in the crook of his neck. His deep, even breathing felt forced until she heard a small sigh and his arms relaxed.

Chakotay pressed his lips to her forehead. "This is how we are supposed to be," he said quietly. "I should be able to show you how much I love you without wondering if the next moment, I'll be too weak to move. At PT this morning, I didn't want you to learn how little strength I have."

"I never, for one second, thought you were weak. You are injured, and you're healing." She raised her head to look him in the eye, and rested her hand over his heart. "The strength that I have depended on for all these years comes from in here. I love you for your heart and character, not your body." His brow rose, and the corner of his mouth curled upward. She smiled and circled her fingertips over his chest. "Not yet, anyway."

He chuckled and hugged her tighter as he lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss full of promise. When he leaned back from her, he ran his hands up to her shoulders, barely brushing the sides of her breasts with his palms. He watched the flash of pleasure in her eyes, and caressed her neck.

"As much as I am enjoying this," he told her, "I need to sit down. If you'll give me the hypospray, I'll help fix lunch in a little while."

"It's a deal. Do you want to go to the sofa or the bed?"

"I'd like to get a cushion for the chair and sit out here. It's a beautiful day, and I think the fresh air will help clear my mind."

He waited at the patio railing while she retrieved a couple of pillows and his medicine from the house. When he was settled on the cushions, she pulled the other chair in front of him so he could put his feet up, and then gave him the hypospray. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she said, "I have some things to do inside if you'll be okay out here."

"I'll be fine. Thank you."

She entered the house and looked back through the glass door, seeing him rub his hands over his face and then glance up to the tops of the trees. There wasn't anything she needed do, but she wanted to give him time to himself. She went to her desk, called up the science journal she had been reading before his accident, and divided her attention between scanning research articles and listening for Chakotay.

Outside, he closed his eyes and soaked in the sun's warmth. He felt better after talking to Kathryn, but still hated the limitations his body forced on him. Her endless compassion for others meant that she would never think less of him because of those limits, but he couldn't stop thinking less of himself. After all they had been through together, he wanted this to be a joyous time for them.

He shifted in the chair, taking some of his weight off of his left hip, and surveyed the backyard. A small, metal bench underneath a shade tree caught his attention. He imagined sitting there with Kathryn, her soft hand cradled in his, as they listened to the bird song and the sough of the wind. Maybe he would talk about his home world and growing up close to nature, and she would tell him stories of her scientist parents who insisted that she learn to camp and garden.

Chakotay's eyes widened with a sudden clarity of thought. His and Kathryn's relationship had never been about the physical. The times he had been happiest with her were when sitting in her quarters, sharing the last of a bottle of wine or cider, with the remains of their dinner still on the table. They had talked, sometimes long into the early morning hours, learning about each other and slowly falling in love even though they couldn't acknowledge it. Her beauty could sometimes make his breath hitch, but it was the sharing of their minds, their stories and hopes and dreams, that had created the intimacy between them.

Chakotay reached for his cane and pushed to his feet, steadying himself on the railing before stepping toward the door. He had a lunch to prepare, and a sofa to recline on as he held her close and simply talked to the woman he loved.


	6. Chapter 6

Five days later, Chakotay sat unfolding his pajamas on the end of the bed. He was tired, but felt good about what he had been able to accomplish that day. After his weight training session in the morning, he had rested for a couple of hours before getting up to eat lunch, then did what he could to help Kathryn clean the house. B'Elanna and Miral had dropped by for a visit, and when they left he had prepared dinner. Afterward, he and Kathryn had taken a brief evening stroll around the yard, ending with a glass of wine on the patio. He had a long way to go to a full recovery, but he gradually improved each day.

Chakotay unbuttoned the shirt he'd had to change into after the baby spit up on his tee shirt. His mind wandered to the first time he had seen her on _Voyager_. In all the excitement of arrival in the Alpha Quadrant, it had been several hours before he and Kathryn could leave the bridge. They had walked together to sickbay, talking ship's business all the way.

When the doors of sickbay had opened, Kathryn had halted mid-sentence as she saw the infant cradled against B'Elanna's chest, and Tom perched on the edge of the biobed with his arm around them. Chakotay had watched Kathryn approach the family, her smile widening with each step. She had bent down and hugged B'Elanna before running a hand over Miral's head and whispering, "She's lovely."

Tom had stood up, fatherly pride unmistakable on his face, and said, "Captain, Commander, meet Miral Kathryn Paris."

Kathryn had turned to Chakotay with a shimmer in her blue eyes, and then looked to the new parents. "I don't know what to say." Chakotay had laid his hand on the small of her back and felt her lean against his shoulder.

"We wouldn't have her without you," Tom explained. "You gave B'Elanna and me a chance to do something good, and pushed us to become better people."

B'Elanna had added, "We hope you don't mind, Captain. This was the best way we could think of to honor you."

Kathryn had silently nodded, fighting down her emotions. Seeing her struggle, Chakotay had moved around her and kissed B'Elanna's cheek, then asked to hold the baby. With Miral snuggled in his arms, he and Kathryn had huddled together, fawning over the baby and laughing at her tiny yawn.

Standing there in sickbay, with _Voyager_ approaching orbit around Earth, Chakotay had felt his connection with Kathryn sizzle in a way that hadn't happened in a long time. He'd known that she also sensed it when her arm, hidden from the other couple, slid around his waist. It might have taken his accident to finally bring them together, but that moment had spoken to him of change and new possibilities for them. Miral would always hold a special place in his heart not only because of her parents, but because in his mind, she had rekindled the buried love he held for her namesake.

Chakotay's thoughts returned to the present, and he unfastened the last button of his shirt. He listened to Kathryn turn off the water in her bathtub, and knew that it would be a while before he saw her again. After undressing down to his boxers, he pushed himself up and, without his cane, entered his bathroom to wash at the sink. Splashing cold water on his face, he glanced in the mirror at the stubble on his chin that warned he would have to shave in the morning. He reached behind him for the towel on the rack and patted his cheeks, then cleaned his teeth.

In his position bent over the sink, he didn't feel his left hip going numb. His leg buckled when he straightened, causing him to topple against the wall and send the metal towel bar clattering to the floor. Momentarily stunned but managing to stay on his feet, he leaned there attempting to regain control. Kathryn's panicked voice cut through his daze when she halted in the bathroom doorway.

"Chakotay, are you all right?"

"I think so. I didn't fall, only lost my balance." When he looked over at her, his heart pounded against his ribs. She had apparently heard the noise and leapt out of her bath, wrapping a thin, silk robe around her wet body as she ran to him. The white material clung, transparent, where it touched her shoulders, breasts, and hips. Water dripped down her arms and legs, and from the ends of her hair in droplets that rolled down her chest to disappear into her cleavage. He stared at her dark nipples visible through the wet silk until he caught himself and raised wide eyes to hers.

She smiled softly at his appraisal. Kathryn hadn't intended to give him an eyeful, but he did seem appreciative. Allowing her gaze to drop down his bare chest, gray boxers, and muscled legs, she bent over and picked up the towel bar, then slid it back into the brackets. "I'll get your cane," she told him as she turned to the door.

Before he thought about what he was doing, Chakotay grabbed her wrist and spun her toward him. He braced his back on the wall, pulled her against him, and covered her lips with his. She gasped once before relaxing into his arms. Their tongues met, dancing from his mouth to hers, and the heat of the kiss contradicted the cold of her wet robe trapped between them. She gripped his sides and pressed harder into his broad body. When his lips slowed and the passionate kiss ended, she shivered from the chill in the room.

Chakotay noticed that she was cold and, keeping her against him with one arm, reached for a clean towel from the shelf. He squeezed the ends of her hair and dried her neck. Holding her gaze, he untied the silken belt and pushed the robe off her shoulders.

Kathryn hesitated for only a second, then let the material fall to the floor. The reverence with which he carefully tended to her took her breath away, his eyes filled with love while he swept the towel over her nude body. He touched every inch of her with the soft cloth, studying her but not lingering over any part.

When he had dried her off, Chakotay wrapped her in the towel and stepped back. Then he removed his boxers, which had gotten wet from her leaning against him. He stood before her, allowing her to see not only his erection, but also the regenerated musculature that she knew bothered him. Pulling another towel around his waist, he cupped her cheek and gently kissed her.

Finally, he spoke. "After you put something, will you let me hold you?"

She knew that he wasn't healed enough to make love to her, and his wording told her that to be skin-to-skin would be too much. She nodded and said, "I'll be back in a minute." Still concerned about his balance, she watched him walk to the bed and sit down before she returned to her room.

Kathryn stood at the dresser, clutching a nightgown, and thought over what had occurred. In her experience even with her fiancés, she had never felt as she did now. The way Chakotay had looked at her and gently taken care of her had left her feeling more desired than any other act by a man ever had. Although he had aroused her, that had been a secondary result rather than his goal.

He had sought a connection and shared his passion in the best way he could, not as foreplay to sex but as a pure act of love. By letting her see him, he had entrusted her with his desire and his vulnerability.

She slipped the gown over her head, brushed out her hair, and padded back to his room. Chakotay lay on his side facing the window. His chest was bare, but she could see his black pajama pants under the sheet covering his legs.

"Hi," she whispered.

He smiled and opened his arms to her as she climbed into bed. "Are you warmer now?"

"Yes, thank you." She lay down with her back to him and pulled up the blankets, then molded into the contours of his body. When he slid one arm under the pillow beneath her head, she pulled his other arm tightly over her waist, holding his hand.

"Computer, lights off," he directed. The faint moonlight shone on Kathryn's face, and he pressed a kiss to her hair. When he spoke again, she detected his regret, and it pained her to hear. "You understand why I stopped, don't you?"

"Of course I understand."

"I don't want you to think that the first time I saw your body, I wasn't turned on."

She gripped his hand harder and shook her head. "No one has ever loved me as completely as you do."

"I do love you, and you're more beautiful than I imagined."

In a sultry voice, she replied, "So are you."

He chuckled at her tone, but she felt a sigh against her neck when grew serious again. "I don't know if I will ever look the same again, but I won't hide from you. I'll learn to deal with it."

"Chakotay, do you think I'm lying to you?" His silence broke her heart, and after a long pause she said, "I saw a man with the power to make my skin tingle from only a look; a handsome and virile man with the strength to hold me to him and kiss me senseless. At night, I dream of being with you when the time is right, and feeling your hips move against mine as you make love to me. That is beautiful to me."

His chest rose and fell against her back with his deep breaths, until he whispered, "I dream of that, too. I will get us there, I promise."

"I know you will. Until then, we are together in every way we can be. I'm here for you however you want me."

They quietly held each other and watched the stars through the window. Kathryn smiled when she felt his hand slide up her ribs to cup her breast before they fell asleep.

The sky was tinting from gray to pink when Chakotay opened his eyes. Kathryn had rolled to her stomach, and his hand rested on her lower back. He felt her stir, and circled his fingers over the base of her spine. Her hips rose to his touch as she turned her head toward him and brushed the hair from her face.

She smiled and said, "You're up early."

"I slept better than I have in a long time."

"Me, too." She reached over and tugged on his side until he scooted against her and bent his top leg over the back of her thighs. "That's better," she mumbled.

"I'm not too heavy?"

"No, it feels good. Warm, solid."

He kissed her neck, trailing his lips down to the strap of her gown over her shoulder. His fingertips glided over her buttocks and then up and down her back. When she moaned, he knew he was getting carried away. His hand smoothed the pink satin over her buttocks then stilled when he realized that she wasn't wearing panties.

He nipped her shoulder, raised his head, and rolled to his back. "I'm afraid this is a little too enticing this morning. Why don't I go make the coffee and you can join me when you're ready?"

She peered at him from under her lashes. "Are you up to it?"

He looked to his lap and back at her. "I think it's safe to say that I'm up."

She turned her head to the pillow to muffle her laugh. He eyed the way her body shook underneath the sheet, then slipped out of bed and picked up his cane to make his way to the kitchen.

After turning on the coffee pot, Chakotay sat down at the table and winced. He had noticed the previous night and again now that when he grew aroused, his pelvis ached. That worried him, although he decided that the cause was probably the increased blood flow in that area. He closed his eyes and absently rubbed his hips as he listened to the birds waking up outside. Kathryn's question surprised him since he hadn't heard her enter, and he stilled his hands.

"Chakotay, is something wrong?''

Glancing up at her, he tried to relax his face. "No, not really."

She sat beside him and rubbed his shoulder. "Do you need the hypospray?"

The worry on her face made up his mind that he would have to tell her to put her at ease. He clasped her hand and explained about the pain, but assured her that it would go away in a few minutes as it had the night before.

Kathryn thought for a moment. "Physiologically, it makes sense. The blood vessels dilate, the muscles contract, and the nerves become more sensitized. Yours aren't back to normal yet, so instead of feeling pleasurable, it's painful."

"I never said it wasn't pleasurable, too," he smiled.

"Maybe you should mention it to the Doctor at your check-up this morning."

"You're kidding, right?"

She bumped him with her elbow. "No, I'm not. He is your physician, and the most knowledgeable one you're going to find anywhere. He can be sympathetic when he needs to be."

Chakotay's brow rose in surprise. "You sound like you have experience."

"I'm a woman. Did you think I went without an annual evaluation for the last seven years? Don't forget that the Doctor delivered two babies, and he has had lovers, so he is well acquainted with how these things work. Most importantly, he is a friend who cares about both of us."

"I'll think about it, but right now the coffee is ready." Chakotay crossed to the counter, turning his back to her and effectively ending the discussion. Although he hadn't shied away from letting her see or feel his desire earlier, the fact that something might be wrong bothered him.

Kathryn followed his lead, surmising that his private nature made him uncomfortable with the topic. She took the coffee cup he passed to her and changed the subject by drawing his attention to the blue jay sitting on the patio railing. They had a couple of hours to enjoy the early morning before seeing the Doctor. With their hands entwined together on the table, they sipped their coffee and planned out a bird feeder that Chakotay wanted to build for the back yard.


	7. Chapter 7

Kathryn wrinkled her nose at the replicated coffee, but drank it anyway as she sat in the Doctor's office. He was in the examination room running scans on Chakotay. She hoped that Chakotay would ask the EMH about his pelvic pain, so she had removed herself to the adjoining room under the pretense of checking in with her office. That had been almost twenty minutes earlier, and she was beginning to worry when the hiss of the door opening broke the silence.

The Doctor placed a surgical regenerator on his desk and said, "Admiral, Captain Chakotay is free to go. I have repaired a minor tear in the iliofemoral ligament of his left hip."

"A tear? Is that what has been causing his leg to give way?"

"Yes. Typically, the iliofemoral prevents the femur from extending when standing, but the minor damage weakened the regenerated ligament. Combined with the new musculature of his hip, the captain's ability to stabilize his leg was undermined. Most likely, that problem occurred when he fell the day he was released to go home. Since he didn't tell anyone, and it happened after my morning rounds, it went undetected."

Kathryn followed the Doctor to the biobed while his words sunk in. "You _fell_?" she asked when she reached Chakotay's side. "Why didn't I know? I was with you all day." Her emotions swung from sympathy to disbelief to guilt that she hadn't been aware of the incident.

Chakotay could tell from her tone that she was upset, but he didn't know if it was directed at him. He flashed a sheepish smile and sat up. "You had gone out to contact Admiral Paris. I went to the sink to get some water and managed to trip. I didn't fall hard, and I landed in the chair. Nothing hurt any worse than it had been, so I thought I was fine."

She reached up to touch his cheek and sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

He leaned into her touch but didn't comment, instead asking, "Am I ready to go, Doc?"

"You are, but I want you in bed as much as possible today. I'm going to contact Lieutenant Gary to cancel your therapy until the day after tomorrow. In twenty-four hours you can resume doing what you are able, but let me know if you experience anymore unusual weakness."

"I will, Doctor. Thank you."

"I'll request your transport home, and see you here again next week."

Back at Kathryn's house, Chakotay filled a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter. "I'm sorry I didn't mention the fall."

Kathryn laid one hand over his heart. "You don't have to apologize. When I think about it, I'm sure that I would have done the same thing. That's who we are, both of us. We're too independent for our own good sometimes. It was necessary in the Delta Quadrant."

"Not always," he said quietly, setting down his glass to grasp her waist. "I'm trying to keep in mind how I felt all those times when you wouldn't let me help you. I don't want things to be that way between us anymore."

Kathryn dropped her gaze to her fingers on his chest as she thought back to her actions and reactions aboard the ship. In her mind, she saw again the hurt that used to show in his eyes when she refused his counsel and his company. Her rejection had never been about him, but about the risk to the entire crew if she failed to keep a controlled objectivity. In hindsight, she could not honestly say whether her decision had made things easier or harder.

She toyed with a button on his shirt and said, "I don't know if the way I handled things out there was the right way. It was what I felt I had to do."

"I understood, love, most of the time." He dipped his head to get her to look at him. "The weight of commanding _Voyager _is behind us now. Can we agree to let things be different and allow each other in completely?"

"It's too late to have it any other way."

"Good." He curled his fingers around hers on his chest and kissed her. When he pulled away, Kathryn backed out of his grasp.

"Are you going to follow the Doctor's orders, or should I get the phaser?" she asked with a gleam in her eye.

"I'm going to bed now. I have a good reason to get better soon." He slapped her buttocks as he walked past.

Kathryn chuckled and listened to the tap of his cane fade down the hallway. Giving him time to get changed and settled, she took stock of the fresh food supplies. Whereas before _Voyager_ she had been content to replicate everything, she now held a greater appreciation for fresh fruits and vegetables. She needed to make a trip to the produce market, but worried about leaving Chakotay alone.

She contemplated having her mother make a "surprise" visit, but then remembered that Gretchen was babysitting for Phoebe that afternoon. B'Elanna had been by the day before, so it might raise his suspicions if she dropped in again so soon. Quickly running through the list of people who could be available on short notice, Kathryn made her way toward the comm unit before pulling up short.

_You're coddling again_, she scolded herself. _He is not an invalid._

She approached his bedroom and saw him lying on his right side, reading. When he reached out for her, she put her hand in his and sat on the bed. "Will you be okay while I go to the market? We're due for a resupply mission."

He smiled at her terminology. "Take your time. I'll be fine."

"Any special requests?"

"Not that I can think of."

When he let out a groan, she tightened her hold on his hand. "What's wrong?" she asked with alarm.

"When you got the stuff from my apartment the day after the accident, did you think to check the kitchen?"

"No," she answered with confusion, "I grabbed your clothes out of the bedroom and left."

"There was half a basket of peaches on the counter. I had left them out of stasis to finish ripening for the two days I planned to be gone."

"I'm sure they're ripe now. Let's hope the air recyclers are functioning well."

"We might need to send B'Elanna to erect a biohazard containment field."

She laughed. "Well, a couple more days won't hurt anything. When you feel up to it, we can make a trip to your place."

Chakotay pulled her down into a kiss, and then turned his face away with a yawn. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I'm a little tired from the meds Doc gave me."

"Get some rest." Kathryn crossed to the dresser and brought his comm badge back to the bedside table. "Contact me if you need anything. I won't be gone long."

"Kathryn?" When she turned from the door, he said, "Please take your time. I know you must be going stir crazy after the last two weeks."

She slowly walked back to him and sat down. Seeing his concern for her, she shook her head. "No, Chakotay, I'm not. I look forward to us going out somewhere together. Until then, I'm happy to stay here." Hesitantly, she continued, "I would worry too much away from you."

He opened his arms, and when she lay down on the edge of bed, he wrapped her tightly. "This isn't fair to you."

"What happened to you wasn't about fairness. You saved a young woman's life. I saw her when she came to visit you, and I see her face every time I watch you struggling. There is no way that girl would have survived the fall. You kept her alive, and you will heal. How can I wish to be anywhere but here with you?"

Chakotay lay silently for a moment, his chest pushing against hers with his deep breaths. "I see her face, too," he whispered. "I remember how Cadet Bran looked when she came to Medical, but I also remember her sheer terror as she dangled on the end of that rope. I can still hear her screams."

He paused again, and Kathryn waited. It was the first time he had talked about what happened without simply state the facts of the accident like he was delivering a report.

"My shoulder had already torn from catching her, but I knew that her life depended on me. I could feel the rope slipping, tearing the skin from my hands, and I had to try not to scare her more. The whole time I was calming her down so that she could drive another anchor, I was so afraid I was losing her. She's not much more than a child. In the Maquis and in Starfleet, I've been directly responsible for people's lives, and for taking lives, in combat. But, not like this. I looked down into that innocent girl's face that had been so happy just a minute before, and I knew without a doubt that she lived or died by my hand."

He fell silent again, and Kathryn tilted her head to press her lips to his neck. "She's alive, Chakotay, because you didn't let go."

Sliding farther back on the bed, he pulled Kathryn with him and buried his face in her hair. She held him close and stroked his back until she felt his tension ease. "Chakotay, are you all right?"

He brushed his lips over her ear, and smiled when he felt her small shiver. "I don't want to let you go."

Her touch lightened from comforting to caressing, and slid from his neck to his left hip, then back up. "You are supposed to be resting."

"The Doctor only said I had to stay in bed today. He didn't mention sleep." Chakotay lifted his head and rolled her onto her back, ignoring the twinge of pain in his hip and gazing down at her.

She watched his dark eyes approaching, and then closed her own and met his lips. His lingering kiss made her cheeks tingle. "I suppose the market can wait," she murmured before his tongue slipped between her teeth, their desires expressed through a sensual kiss and roaming hands.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: I usually do not insert notes in the middle of a story, but I must thank my readers for sticking with me. Leading up to Thanksgiving week was very busy, and immediately following, my brother died. Subsequently, my muse went into hiding in her blanket fort. She's a pouty wench. I will attempt to update more frequently again. _

***V*V***

Chakotay buttoned his shirt and combed his hair in the bathroom mirror. He was alone in his apartment for the first time since his accident, after also having attended physical therapy by himself while Kathryn sat through a meeting nearby at Headquarters. He hadn't anticipated the distinctly empty feeling of his rooms. After she arrived, they would walk a couple of blocks to a pizza parlor that he frequented. Until then, he tried to keep busy and not think of how comfortable he had become living with her, or how uncomfortable he was without her.

When Chakotay heard the front door slide open and Kathryn's voice as she entered, his instant joy surprised him. He wondered if he'd ever been so emotionally dependent on anyone before. He had loved her for years, but this wild swing in his mood at her merely speaking his name was ridiculous.

He straightened his shirt collar and then met her in the living room with a kiss on the cheek. "Hi. How was your meeting?"

"Pretty routine. I got updates on a project I had been working on before my leave. It should be easy for me to take over again when I go back to work next week."

"That's good." He didn't want to think about spending the days away from her, so he quickly changed the subject. "Are you hungry yet, or do you want to wait a while?"

"Let me change out of my uniform and then we can go. May I borrow your bedroom?"

"It's all yours." As she walked to the room with her bag, he called out, "Let me know if you need any help."

"I'll do that," she chuckled before closing the door. Kathryn felt her face flush and shook her head. Chakotay had grown bolder and more suggestive in the past couple of days, and she was finding it difficult to control her reactions to him.

Over the week since his last surgery, he had made significant improvements in his healing. Without the pain and instability of the torn ligament, he was able to do more, which sped the strengthening of his muscles. He still practiced a balancing act between activity and rest, and experienced minor pain and stiffness, but had not required the analgesics or his cane for several days.

Kathryn pulled off her uniform and carried her bag into the bathroom, wearing only her bra and panties. She spent a few minutes on her hair and make-up, and then studied herself in the mirror. Although Chakotay had seen her in all manner of dress, and even nude, while staying with her, his injuries had prevented them from getting physically involved. Based on his recent behavior, he was ready to move forward.

She stepped into her pale yellow dress and reached behind her to zip it. Smiling to herself in the mirror, she left the zipper down, put on her white pumps, and walked to the bedroom door. She had never been a passive partner, and took this opportunity to tease him.

"Chakotay," she called from the open door, and then turned her back to him. "I could use your help. Do you mind?"

He coughed the tea he had been swallowing and scrambled up from the couch. "Not at all," he answered, walking up behind her. Her auburn hair brushed the base of her neck, in contrast with the expanse of pale skin bared below her waist by the open dress. Resisting the urge to push the garment down her arms, he allowed his fingertips to slide over the sway of her back to the zipper. She looked over her shoulder when she felt his touch, and he could tell by her eyes that she was toying with him.

"I think you're beautiful as you are," he whispered, leaning closer and stroking one finger across the dimples in her spine.

"It's a little indecent, don't you think?"

"Not for me, no. I suppose I don't want anyone else seeing you this way, though."

She waited while his eyes rose to her bra strap and then drifted back down to her buttocks. "The zipper, Chakotay," she reminded him with a smirk.

He slowly raised the pull, and then smoothed her hair over the top of the dress. Turning her to face him, he held her waist and kissed her. "You look lovely."

"Thank you. Are you okay to walk after your therapy today?"

"Yes, I'm fine. We worked on my balance and flexibility today rather than weight training. I want to forget about all of that for this evening."

She understood his need. This outing would be their first together in weeks that didn't involve doctors, therapists, and constant reminders of the accident. "All right, I trust you tell me if you get too uncomfortable."

Tucking her hand under his elbow, he set a comfortable pace as they walked outside onto the sidewalk. The evening sun hovered low on the horizon, and the warm air carried the scent of the bay. Chakotay felt the weight of his ordeal lifting and smiled at Kathryn. Laying his hand over hers, he offered a silent thanks that he was alive with her by his side.

The short walk passed quickly, and soon Chakotay was escorting her inside the pizzeria. The small restaurant appeared to be busy as usual, but the owner immediately noticed the couple and came out from behind the bar.

"Captain Chakotay, welcome back! It is good to see you looking well. You are healed, yes?"

"I'm much better, Franco, thank you."

"The young girl, the cadet, told me how you saved her. You are a hero!"

Chakotay tugged his ear, an uncomfortable smile on his face. "Just doing my job. Let me introduce Admiral Kathryn Janeway. Kathryn, this is Franco, the owner."

She shook his hand, her amusement at Chakotay's reception lighting her eyes. "I'm pleased to meet you, Franco."

"The pleasure is mine, Admiral Janeway." The man winked at Chakotay. "She is a bigger hero and beautiful."

Chakotay laughed. "I can agree with that. Do you have a table available?"

"Always for you. This way, please." As they wound their way past the bar, Franco snagged a bottle of wine and two glasses, then led them to a relatively quiet corner away from the main diners. He made a show of opening and pouring the wine, then bowed and left them to look over the menu.

Kathryn flashed a crooked smiled across the table. "What do you recommend for a hero's meal, Chakotay?"

"Whatever the beautiful lady desires," he teased. "Everything here is good. If you like cannelloni, you should try the spinach and ricotta. There's also a sausage version if you want meat."

She glanced up at him and frowned. "You know, I haven't eaten any meat since you came to stay with me."

"I don't mind. I didn't intend for you to alter your diet to suit me."

"No, it's not that. I hadn't even realized. It was easier to make both of our meals the same."

"Now is your chance. Order whatever you would like."

She scanned the menu and reached the conclusion that the meat dishes didn't sound as appealing. "I think my body is already adjusting to your diet," she mumbled as she read.

He chuckled. "Maybe you and your sister can have a steak night soon."

"Seafood, maybe." She laid her menu aside and asked, "You've told me before that you ate meat when your survival depended on it. What was it like?"

"Not pleasant," he responded with a grimace. "I could get past the mental part because I knew I had to eat to live. The physical part was worse. When used to a plant diet, the human body loses the ability to adequately digest animal flesh. I did get some nutrition from it, but my stomach certainly wasn't happy with me. I'm sure B'Elanna would love to tell you about the miserable two weeks we spent on Inaga Minor."

At that moment, Franco returned and Chakotay and Kathryn both ordered the spinach cannelloni and grilled vegetables. The owner left a warm baguette and rosemary butter on the table, then left them alone again.

"What was Inaga Minor?" Kathryn asked.

"A small planet, barely M-class, where we hid from a Cardassian warship while we made repairs. The _Val Jean _had been damaged when we rescued a slave camp. Our supplies were running extremely low with the extra fifteen people we rescued on board, and repairs had to be completed before we could make it to a base camp to regroup. The only plant life near our position was scattered patches of thorn bushes. The small rodents were abundant, though, so that's we ate."

Kathryn made a face. "Not exactly prime beef, was it?"

"No, not really. It was a small price to pay for saving the children, though."

She gasped. "The slaves were children?"

"Most of them, yes, except two adults who'd been forced to act as keepers."

Her voice sounded small when she responded, "How awful."

He reached across the table for her hand, and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. "I was Maquis, Kathryn, but not a murderer. My missions involved rescues and running the supplies needed for the basics of life - food, water, medicine, sometimes medics and doctors. I fought when forced to protect lives, not just to kill Cardassians."

"I know," she assured him. "I had intelligence files on you, remember? I also accepted your explanations before I made you my first officer. I have never had reason to doubt them."

He nodded once and and squeezed her hand. "It was a long time ago, and the Federation is wiser now. I think my renegade days are over."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Except for hurtling yourself over the side of a cliff."

He laughed and held her gaze. "Hopefully, that was my last time. I can't say that I regret it, because Cadet Bran will finish the Academy, and I'm sitting here with you. It was worth it."

They were still holding hands, grinning at each other, when Franco arrived with their food.


End file.
